


When Words are Hard

by Crashcoursemaster



Series: All The Things You Do To Me [6]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Depression, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Zak takin care of his baby, domestic life, mostly comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-01-30 10:28:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21426727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crashcoursemaster/pseuds/Crashcoursemaster
Summary: Noah is uncharacteristically reclusive, setting off a million red flags for Zak so he drops in for a visit.
Relationships: Original Male Character/Original Non-Binary Character, Zak/Noah
Series: All The Things You Do To Me [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1464217
Kudos: 2





	When Words are Hard

**Author's Note:**

> Noah is non-binary and uses he/him and they/them pronouns

_Hey baby, haven’t heard from ya in a couple days. Everything ok?_

Zak stared down at his phone, anxiously waiting for a response. He sent that text hours ago, and he knows Noah has their phone surgically attached to their hand so it was very worrying that they haven’t responded. He heaved a sigh and clicked against the screen again 

_Noah? You’re starting to worry me. Even just a k to let me know you’re alright?_

He kept his gaze glued to the screen. The small text below the message flicked quickly from “delivered” to “read” but still no reply. Zak set the phone down on his lap, pinching his brow as his mind started to spiral. Had he done something to upset them? Was he truly that wrapped up in work he couldn’t even send a quick text back? Something wasn’t adding up and Zak was beginning to freak out. He rose quickly from his seat, typing out another text as he moved toward his apartment door. 

_That’s it, I’m coming over to make sure you’re ok. Be there in 5 minutes. _

This time he didn’t bother waiting for a response, not that he had any reason to expect one now based on Noah’s continued radio silence. He scurried down the hallway, his head already swimming with thoughts of the worst possible scenarios. Maybe he got caught up in a hit and was now captive, or his father finally caught the two of them sneaking around. Zak’s heart started to beat faster. Maybe they finally decided they didn’t love him anymore. Maybe they found someone else. Tears started to gather in his eyes, but he blinked them away, shaking his head along with it. He drew in a steadying breath, letting it out slowly, the cool winter air outside causing it to puff out like smoke. He knew his partner better than that. Poor thing was probably in a meeting and just couldn’t reply. Either way, Zak was determined to find out. 

He arrived at Noah’s apartment in record time, four minutes and forty-five seconds. Not bad. Zak knocked on the door, more out of politeness than permission as he knew he was allowed to let himself in. Taking a quick glance back at his phone to verify there was still a chance they’d be home, he pushed the front door open. Darkness greeted him along with a blast of frigid air. The flat had to be at least ten degrees colder than the hallway, and at least five lower than the air outside. Zak shuddered, shutting the door behind him with a click. He huddled his coat closer around him, electing to keep it on as to not freeze to death before finding Noah. An ambitious hand wandered along the wall, hunting for a light switch. There was a distinct lack of sound in the apartment, no breathing and certainly no energetic devil squealing with delight at his arrival. Finding his target, Zak flipped the light switch, illuminating the living room with the soft yellow light. His mouth gaped open in shock at the sight before him. The place was trashed! Dishes overflowing in the sink, trash spilling onto the floor. Discarded to-go boxes and fast food bags littered every flat surface of both the kitchenette and living area and empty liquor bottles lay forgotten alongside them. A thick haze hung in the air, the familiar burning smell of cigarettes tickling Zak’s nose. Either Noah threw a massive party at his place and elected to not invite him, or he’s been too busy to even take care of himself. Zak plodded across the flat, carefully navigating the garbage towards Noah’s bedroom, knocking on the door gently when he reached it. 

“Noah?” He called out, voice soft but with a slight shiver from the cold, “Kitten are you in there?” 

“Go away.” Came the reply, and even that was enough to ease Zak’s worry, though the actual words didn’t do much. Noah sounded weak, like he hadn’t said any words in days to anyone. Even through the bedroom door, there was a waver to his voice, almost like he’d been crying. 

Ignoring his partners request, Zak pushed the door open and entered the room. Another blast of cold air hit his face. Somehow his bedroom was even colder than the rest of the apartment, and he soon saw why. Situated in the middle of Noah’s bed sat a massive nest of pillows and blankets, surrounded by more trash and empty bottles. A fan was situated at each side of the bed, all pointing at the nest, creating a vortex of chill. Zak couldn’t see where Noah was underneath all the bedding, but he assumed that’s where they were hiding. He rounded the bed, cautiously searching for his partners face while avoiding more garbage and the fans. A small tuft of blonde hair stuck out from the mass, along with a glint of jade. Smiling softly, Zak sat down on the bed, turning to the side to face the cocooned devil. A low grumble arose from the nest. 

“I said go away.” Noah pulled the blankets up over the exposed part of his face, “I wanna be alone right now.” 

“I haven’t heard from you in days babe.” Zak countered, gently pulling back the bedding, “I was worried about you.” 

Noah grumbled again, keeping his gaze on the mattress beneath him. He looked ragged, clearly sleep deprived and slightly hungover. Bags hung heavy under his eyes, hair mused and matted in places, he didn’t even have any makeup on which was the most unsettling. Zak sighed, reaching out a hand to caress Noah’s face. “Is everything okay?” Zak pressed. 

This time though, Noah’s actually answered, shaking his head no. His eyes were glassy, tears threatening to spill down his cheeks. He huddled in on himself, partially retreating into the nest. 

“You wanna tell me what’s wrong?” Zak pressed. He kept up the soft touches to Noah’s hot cheek, trying to comfort the distraught figure. 

Noah squeaked out a pathetic whimper, tears finally falling from his eyes. He pressed the fluffy blanket to his face, muffling the cries that spilled from his mouth. Zak tucked his hands under the warm nest and pulled Noah into his lap, gently cooing and shushing them, rocking back and forth. Noah was only in his underwear, and as soon as the chill hit him goosebumps littered the tawny skin, causing them to shudder. Zak plucked a blanket from the nest, swaddling his partner in the still warm fabric, holding them close. 

“Shhh, it’s alright kitten.” He pressed a kiss to Noah’s forehead, “I’m right here. Everything’s gonna be okay.” 

Noah shook his head again, keeping his head against Zak’s chest, “This is so stupid…” 

“What’s stupid? Did something happen?” 

“No…it’s just.” Noah hiccuped, his voice broken and strained, “Me being stupid…” 

“How so?” Zak slowly kicked off his boots, settling back further on the bed. 

“I don’t know…I get so,” Noah hunched up, muscled tensing, “dumb, sometimes…there’s this ugly little voice in my head that tells me I’m worthless and dumb and that…” he let out a heavy sob, more tears dotting Zak’s coat, “that no one loves me…” 

“Hey, hey, shhhh” resting against the headboard, Zak threaded his fingers through Noah’s hair, pulling it back and away from their eyes, “You know none of that is true, right?” Noah nodded, “Sounds like this has been really weighing on you kitten.” He gently tugged Noah’s head back to look them in the eyes, “why didn’t you say something to me? I would’ve given you more attention if I knew you needed it.” 

“It’s not…” they sighed, words broken up by more hiccups, “It’s not that easy Zak…it’s so…hard, to need people…” he mumbled, “And I’d hate to be a burden on you…” 

“Noah, sweet pea, love of my life, you are never a burden on me.” He pressed Noah tighter against him, “I want you to know that.” 

“I know Zak it’s just…” Noah sobbed again, “I deal with this so often that…sometimes it’s just easier to hide away and wait it out than to put pressure on you…” 

Zak opened his mouth to speak, but Noah cut him off, thumping their forehead against Zak’s chest. 

“Can we, not talk about it anymore?” They wiggled their arms free from under the blanket and slid them around Zak’s torso, “I just…..” there was a long pause between labored breaths, “I need you right now…” 

Zak brought his chin to rest on the top of Noah’s head, smiling weakly, “Of course kitten, I’m sorry.” 

Another heave of his shoulders and Noah was sobbing again, gripping Zak’s coat for dear life. The larger devil scrunched up his features, still rubbing soothing circles into his partners back through the fluffy blanket between them. None of this was adding up still. Noah was always so happy and seemingly carefree. Thinking back, there hasn’t been a time in the past months they’d been together where Noah had cried like this without something happening. Unless something did happen and they weren’t saying anything. Zak grumbled to himself. He must not really know his partner very well if he had to think this hard about what could be upsetting them this much. 

He shivered again, the chill of the room seeping through his socks. Guess if your intention is to bury yourself in blankets, might as well make the room as cold as possible. Even Noah started to shiver, now only covered in the one blanket. Zak pursed his lips, a paternal instinct bubbling in his chest he hadn’t experienced in a long time. Noah needed him, sure, but the extent of the need wasn’t really made clear and as excited as Zak was to dote on his partner, he didn’t want to overstep any boundaries. He decided to test the waters and see what Noah would agree to. He’s dealt with distressed boyfriends in the past and knows that sometimes they just need someone to help them make decisions. 

“Noah you’re freezing,” he huddled the small bundle tighter in his grip, “Want me to turn these fans off and start warming the room back up?” 

They nodded weakly in reply, eyes cracking open as they glanced up at him. Zak sighed in relief, leaning over Noah’s body and clicking off the fan nearest to him. He moved to set Noah back on the bed, but they tightened their grip on Zak, shaking his head furiously. 

“I gotta set you down if you expect me to turn these off.” 

Noah grumbled, still not loosening up his grip. Defeated, Zak tucked his partner into the crook of one of his arms and stood up, moving the now off fan aside. He crossed the room, methodically turning off the remaining fans before adjusting the air conditioning to a higher temperature. Noah was still letting out soft sobs occasionally, but he seemed to be settling down from the cuddles. 

“When was the last time you slept?” Zak sat back down on the bed, “For longer than a few hours anyway.” Noah shrugged, not offering any verbal reply, “Can you try?” 

“…will you stay with me?” 

Zak hummed contentedly, pulling pillows and blankets from the nest in an attempt to remake the bed with only one arm. “Of course kitten.” 

Once he was satisfied with how the bed was arranged, he pried Noah off of his chest, shrugging off his coat as he did so. The room was finally starting to warm back up and between it and the warmth leech that was occupying his torso, he was started to sweat a little. Noah grumbled in protest at being torn from the cradle, but nestled into the pillows regardless, bleary eyes still fixated on Zak. The larger devil made quick work of his shirt as well, pulling the long-sleeved garment over his head by the neck and tossing it across the room. If he was gonna snuggle under the mountain of blankets he figured taking a page from Noah’s book wasn’t that bad of an idea. 

“I think I still have that pair of pj bottoms you left here a while ago.” Noah’s voice was starting to clear back up, “if you want them…” 

“I’ll be okay baby.” He rested his head beside Noah’s on an unoccupied pillow, laying flat on his back to allow Noah space to huddle close. He wrapped his arm dutifully around the lithe devil’s shoulders, pulling him up onto his chest, “I’m not planning on sleeping, and either way I don’t mind sleeping in jeans.” 

The small demon traced one of Zak’s scars with a claw, lips pursed with thought. He looked like he wanted to protest something but was lacking the words to do so. Zak returned his hand to Noah’s hair, petting the soft mass absentmindedly, watching as his partners eyes started to droop. Sleep was finally taking over it seemed, which meant he could get to work straightening up Noah’s flat. 

Zak wasn’t a neat freak by any stretch of the word, but it would be a massive disservice if he just let his partner live in the filth. Plus, it meant he could see if there was anything hanging around in the kitchen that would cobble together to form a somewhat decent meal. Based on all the carry out trash, he assumed Noah hadn’t had one of those in at least a few days. His eyes drifted back to the head on his chest, face finally relaxed as Noah drifted fully off to sleep. He smiled, nosing into their hair and planting a gentle kiss on the scalp. Poor thing. Lord only knows how long he’d truly been suffering like this. Everything on the surface seemed to point to it just being the last three or four days, but the way Noah talked about what he was feeling… 

_I deal with this so often that it’s easier to wait it out._

He made it sound like this was a common occurrence, shutting down like this. How many times has this happened since they’ve been together? How many times have they talked on the phone or texted back and forth when, completely unknown to Zak, he’d been hidden away in his nest, distraught and sobbing all by himself. Zak swallowed back sympathetic tears, instead channeling the reactions to more soothing circles between Noah’s shoulder blades. There had to have been signs he’d missed, that’s the only reason Zak had to excuse not picking up on all this. Or maybe Noah’s just gotten really good at hiding it. Either way, it wasn’t healthy, for either of them. For all the problems Zak had mentally, between his own trauma and the panic attacks, he still wanted, no needed, to be Noah’s rock. He needed to be the same strong, grounding force that Noah was for him. It was only fair after all, and all that starts with little acts of kindness. 

Very carefully, he set Noah back down fully on the mattress, their head sinking into the pillows with a soft moan. He slotted a pillow between their arms to give him something to snuggle against while he slept before sitting up right again, glancing around the dark room. The slightest hint of daylight still crept in past the blackout curtains, lighting the space just enough to see how messy the room was. Not as bad as the living room, but still kind of a disaster. He shoved himself from the bed, sneaking across the carpet and heading back into the living room. The smoke burned his eyes when he opened the door again, wincing as the familiar smell assaulted him. 

_Alright, first things first is air this damn place out._

Waving his hand in front of his face to clear away some of the smoke, he made a beeline for the sliding glass door of the balcony, sliding the heavy curtains aside before opening the door. Soft city noise filtered in through the screen, the light of dusk cutting through the smoke in visible spectrums. Moving to Noah’s desk, he leaned over the surface and tugged the blinds open. The window beneath seemed like it hadn’t been touched in ages, not surprising considering how Noah prefers to keep their place dark at all times, the cute little hermit. With enough force though the window slid open, more of the crisp winter air licking at Zak’s exposed body. He shivered, contemplating retrieving his shirt from the bedroom to continue working. Remembering how much he’d be moving around though, he decided against it and headed into the kitchen to start his next task; trash. 

He had to tear every cabinet open first, but he eventually located the garbage bags, pulling out the whole box and setting it on the counter. Methodically, he made his way through the flat, tossing full bags by the front door and grabbing a new one to replace it, making sure to keep any glass in a separate bag so nothing broke unexpectedly. Much of the old food containers still had some remnants of their contents inside, and a lot of that was completely covered in mold. 

_This doesn’t look like a few days._ It was slowly dawning on Zak, _This takes weeks to get this bad._

He looked back towards the bedroom door, worry swarming his head again as his mind began to race. He continued cleaning up, having to hold in his breath every so often to avoid lungfuls of the rotting smell, but he powered though, bagging up all the remaining trash and piling it by the door. The trash chute for this floor was a bit of a walk, and he wanted to make sure Noah was one-hundred percent unconscious before leaving him alone. He didn’t want to go back on his word. If Noah woke back up and Zak wasn’t there, there would be no way of knowing how he’d react while in this fragile state. He let out an exhausted huff, running his hand over his head to wipe away a few stray beads of sweat. The massive pile of dishes in the sink caught his eye, and he groaned. He was only about a third of the way done cleaning and he was already starting to get worn out. 

_Maybe Noah has the right idea…_ he dragged himself over to the sink, sorting out the dishes into more manageable piles, _No. no. I need to do this. He can’t live like this, I can’t let him live like this._

The dishwasher popped open with a click, thudding softly as it fell completely open. It was empty save for a few stray utensils that had evaded use by some miracle. Zak plucked them from the rack and returned them to their homes in the drawers before tackling the dirty ones. Many of the items that had been in the sink barely even seemed used, only having stubborn crumbs or a small smear of grease on them. Others though looked like they’d been sitting in there about as long as some of the rotting trash, coated in thick layers of crusted sauce that would take some serious scrubbing to remove. He grumbled, setting the nastiest ones back on the counter and loading the dishwasher with the cleaner ones. Satisfied, he let the dishwasher start up as he filled the sink with hot water. Probably better to let the gross ones soak for a while before trying to clean them. 

The light from outside was finally starting to wane, the soft yellow of the ceiling bulbs taking back over as the primary light source. Zak pulled his phone from his pants pocket, checking the time. 

_Seven…he’s been asleep for at least forty-five minutes._ He glanced back at the pile of bags by the front door. _Can probably run all this trash out now._

He quickly peaked in the bedroom, his head peering through the door just enough to get a good look at the bed. Even through the darkness, it didn’t look like Noah had moved at all, still clutching the pillow tight. He let out a sigh of relief, a soft snore filling his ears. He was always so cute when he was passed out like that. Shaking his head, Zak pulled the door shut again, gathering up the bags as best he could once the front door was open. The glass clicked from being jostled inside the trash bags, Zak’s labored steps causing them all to crash into each other. A couple of Noah’s neighbors were milling about the halls, chatting idly with each other about lord knows what. The large devil cast his eyes down, trying as hard as he could to not draw any attention to himself, not an easy feat with noisy trash hanging off his arms. Much to his dismay, they turned their attention to Zak, not saying anything, merely watching as he dumped the garbage down the chute. 

“Hey, you’re Noah’s boyfriend right?” One of them called out to him. 

Zak sighed, straightening himself out and facing the neighbors, “Yeah. I’m just helping him clean up his place.” 

“Is he okay?” The other asked, worry filling her voice, “No one’s seen him in weeks. We all thought he’d moved out or something.” 

_**Weeks???**_ “No he’s still here.” Zak let out a nervous chuckle, “He’s just been…” his thought trailed off. Should he lie and just say they’ve been busy? He didn’t even really know what was going on, “just lots of work taking up his time.” 

“Well, it’s good to know he has you looking out for him.” The two neighbors exchanged a look, “Just tell him we said hi, okay?” 

“Will do.” 

Zak turned back around quickly, taking wide steps back to Noah’s flat. This whole situation just got a whole lot more serious, if even his neighbors were noticing him being absent. He all but slammed the door shut, resting his back against the cool wood as he tried to control his thoughts. His paternal instincts were firing off all at once, his body aching and twitching to go cradle Noah and never let go. He’d let his partner down. What kind of boyfriend didn’t see when the person he loved was spiraling downward so fast he stayed holed up in his apartment for weeks? Noah told him they had been too swamped with work, too much for the two of them to spend time together. Why would he lie about this? 

_I don’t want to be a burden._

Did Noah not trust him? Did they think he’d just abandon them? 

_It’s so hard to need people._

Zak shook his head, trying to shoo Noah’s words and his own overthinking away. He trudged back to the kitchen, rifling through the cupboards again, this time on the hunt for food. He needed a distraction, something to help take his mind off of his insecurities and refocus on taking care of Noah. 

_Soup. He likes it when I make soup._

Zak’s hands were trembling, pulling the ingredients from the shelves. Good to know Noah didn’t throw out any of the pantry essentials Zak had stocked the kitchen with. Then again, it was clear he didn’t usually throw **anything** out. 

_Stop that. Focus._

He set the large stock pot in the empty sink, turning on the water and letting it fill up. Glancing around the kitchen again, he remembered how long it had truly been since he’d stayed longer than a few minutes. Zak started getting into the habit of keeping fresh groceries around so he could prepare meals for the two of them. But now, the counters were barren. Even after meticulously clearing only the trash away, the only occupants on the marble were empty fruit bowls and a utensil holder, untouched of course. Zak’s breath quickened, his thoughts racing through his mind again. What else had he not noticed? The freezer still had pre packaged ingredients at least, bags of peas and carrots and pre sliced chicken. Perfect. His vision blurred, tears forming in his eyes as he processed everything simultaneously. He slammed his fist on the counter, leaning into it and wiping his face with his other hand. Shutting the water back off, he stormed out onto the patio, already tearing a cigarette from his pocket. 

_Come on buddy, keep it together._ He clutched the habit between his teeth and lit it, _Noah needs you right now. Just gotta stay level._

Tears fell freely as he took a drag off his cigarette, the burn finally grounding him back to reality. He sobbed openly, hiding his face with his free hand as he slid down the glass door. This was all too much. Too many questions, too many thoughts and feelings. A shaky sigh stopped his crying, puffing at his cigarette quicker than normal. He just needed time. He needed to let Noah come to him, they always did, and this time was no different. Snuffing the butt out on the concrete beneath him, Zak returned to his task of dinner. 

The pot was much fuller than he anticipated, but making more than they needed was rarely a bad thing. It meant he could leave the leftovers in the fridge for Noah to reheat whenever. At least that way he wasn’t fully relying on garbage food for sustenance. He let the water come to a full boil before dumping the frozen veggies and noodles in, placing the frozen chicken in a separate pan. Cooking always relaxed him. It gave his brain something else to focus on when the world around him became too much to handle. He could get lost in the careful balancing act of preparation, the smells and the tastes taking center stage while he worked through his thoughts in the background. He poured a little bit of stock into the bubbling mixture, stirring it and lifting the spoon to his lips. Needed a little pepper still. Zak felt himself smile a little as he worked, thinking of how snuggly Noah would look all wrapped up in his blankets, warm bowl in his hands and that gentle smile on his face. Maybe the two of them could eat while watching a movie, yeah that sounded good. Get Noah as comfortable as possible, just smother him as much as they’d let Zak get away with. 

He placed the lid over the mouth of the pot, letting the soup simmer undisturbed. As his socked feet hit the carpet again, he took a more careful look around the apartment. A fine layer of dust was covering just about everything, some of the cigarette smoke from earlier leaving ash along with it. Zak ran a finger over Noah’s desk, rubbing it against his thumb to see how thick the build up was. Luckily it wasn’t as bad as he thought, but the place could still use a good dusting. And maybe a quick vacuum too, but that could wait until Noah was awake. 

_Poor things probably still sleepin’_

Zak slowly pushed the bedroom door open again, the darkness now completely taking over. He pulled his phone back out, letting the illuminated screen act as a flashlight. Taking careful steps, he headed back to the bed, settling on it’s edge. Noah was indeed still asleep, though now he was on his back, the pillow he was hugging laying across his outstretched arm. Zak suppressed a chuckle, sliding a stray lock of hair from his partner’s eyes. 

_Such a perfect little thing you are…_ He confessed to himself fondly, moving his hand to caress Noah’s cheek, _I just want you to be happy again…my sweet little kitten._

They stirred in their sleep, rolling back over toward Zak and mewling at the touch. His eyes cracked open slightly, smiling as he looked up at Zak. 

“I’m sorry baby, did I wake you?” 

They shook their head, scooting closer and wrapping their arms around Zak again, “I’ve been in and out…” 

“How are you feeling?” Zak pulled them into his lap proper, taking the blanket with them. Noah shrugged, resting their head against Zak. Talking was still difficult at the moment it seemed, “Anything I can do to help?” 

“I dunno…” his voice was strained, probably spent the time out of sleep crying again, “thinking about stuff is hard.” 

“I know it is kitten.” Zak kissed his partner’s forehead, “Well, I know when I’m feelin’ shitty I take a shower. Does that sound like something you want?” 

They nodded, “Bath?” 

Zak stood from the bed, carrying Noah with him, “Sure, we can do that.” He made his way to the bathroom, covering Noah’s eyes with the blanket before flicking the light on. They winced at the lighting change regardless, groaning underneath their coverings. Zak carefully unwound the blanket, setting it down on the floor and Noah on the edge of the bathtub. 

“God why is light so bright?” Noah grumbled, leaning forward and turning on the water. 

“That’s what happens when you hide in the dark kitten,” Zak was rifling through Noah’s medicine cabinet, turning back around with a hairbrush in hand, “Now, since I know you’re gonna regret it later,” he knelt down by the tub, gently touching the base of Noah’s tail, “We should brush out your tail. The mats are only gonna get worse once it’s wet.” 

Noah shifted in his seat, the water sloshing around his feet. He wrung his hands against the porcelain, biting his lip. “Okay…” his tail drooped as he spoke. 

Zak took a small bundle of hair in his hand, gripping it tight but not enough to tug on it. He threaded the brush bristles into the mass, working from the low-hanging section and working through the mat. Noah’s tail tugged away frequently, and Zak couldn’t really tell if it was subconscious or if they found the discomfort that unbearable. “Baby, you gotta keep still if I’m gonna have any success working these out.” 

They shrunk away, kicking under the water as it neared his knees, “Sorry…I’m gonna…” he slowly leaned forward and shut the water off before stiffly resuming his position, tail elevated and straight out. 

Zak resumed the brushing, the fringe returning to its usual silky state. He smiled. Even oily from a lack of proper cleaning, it was soft. He glanced up at Noah, their eyes downcast and solemn as he stared at the bath water. 

“Zak?” They turned their head as best they could to look back at him, “I’m…really glad you’re here.” The larger devil merely smiled sweetly, keeping his attention on the brushing. Noah sighed and chocked out a strangled sob, “You’re just…so good to me and I…” their hands shot to their face as he let loose more cries, “Why?” 

Zak stopped brushing and placed a hand on Noah’s exposed thigh, squeezing it while rubbing their back with the other, “I love you goober. What other explanation do I need?” That only made things worse, Noah heaving his body as the sobs shook his whole form. Zak rose from his knees and hugged them tight, tucking their head into his chest. “Oh Noah…baby I’m sorry.” 

“It’s not you.” He hiccuped, arms tightly wrapped around Zak’s body, “I just….” He trailed off, cries softening again, “You always know just what to do…and I’m such a mess.” 

“It’s just my nature Noah,” Zak tucked some of Noah’s unkempt hair behind his horns, “And yeah, you are a mess now, but you’re my mess, and I want nothing more than to help you.” Noah let out a broken laugh, nuzzling against the umber skin fondly. Zak pulled away for a moment, cupping Noah’s cheek, “Are you okay with me helping you? ‘Cause I will, no question.” 

Noah nodded slowly, unraveling his arms and standing up in the water. Zak blushed a little, his partners practically nude form inches from his face. He stood back up himself, giving Noah one last kiss on the forehead. 

“I’ll let you have some privacy.” Zak made his way back out into the bedroom, resting against the door jam, “I have some soup for you on the stove. I’m just gonna finish cleaning up while you’re in here okay?” 

Noah was already stripping off his underwear as Zak talked, settling down into the bath. He had that soft smile on his face again at long last. Tear stains and heavy blush aside, he looked much happier than he did when Zak first got here. He smiled back at his partner, that big dumb smile he knows they love, and ducked out of the doorway. 

_Okay_ Zak rubbed his hands together, newly found vigor coursing through him, _Dust first, then vacuum._

He took a quick peak at his soup and stirred it a little to make sure it wasn’t going to burn before retrieving the dusting cloths he’d found earlier. Grabbing a couple, he made his way back through the apartment, running the cloth over every flat surface he could find. One cloth definitely wasn’t going to be enough, the white cloth turning a dark grey by the time he finished wiping down the TV and the coffee table. There were still a couple of sparsely decorated bookshelves and Noah’s desk to get through too, but luckily the second cloth was enough for both. Zak tossed the dirty cloths in the trash before pulling open the entry closet, a small cordless vacuum hanging along one of the walls. He shook his head, forgetting for a moment that Noah lived here on his fathers dime, of course he would have this high end appliance that he rarely used. The vacuum was surprisingly heavy despite its appearance, and Zak had to drag it across the floor, his arms still aching from hauling around all that trash. And his partner, but they never usually wore him out from being carried. The vacuum whirred to life when Zak pressed the center button, and after the first pass over the grey carpet, a streak of white appeared from where the suction had removed all the dust and ash. Zak winced, glad he decided to move forward with this stage of cleaning. He did a couple of passes over the whole place, making absolutely sure he got all the debris out of the carpet. Noah’s hooves must’ve been filthy from walking over the dusty carpet for any length of time, and if his carpet looked this bad, Zak could only imagine what the couch was hiding. Detaching the vacuum head from the wand and replacing it directly onto the control handle, Zak flicked the appliance back on and ran the suction over the couch. Not as bad as he thought, mostly covered in Noah’s hair and an entire chip bag’s worth of crumbs. He chuckled to himself, emptying the vacuums reservoir into the trash for the fourth time. 

He returned the vacuum to the closet one satisfied with how the flat looked, and it was like night and day. Not perfect, but it looked like someone actually lived here and didn’t just dump trash everywhere and smoke through a pack of cigarettes every day. Zak stretched out, his still bare back popping back into place as he did so. He leaned back forward with a sigh. This was a whole lot more work than he initially anticipated, but his heart swelled when he thought of how relieved Noah would be stepping out of the bath into a clean living room. He returned to the kitchen, pulling the dishes he had soaking out of the water and scrubbing the softened filth from them. The dishwasher was still whirring away on its own, so these last few dishes would just have to be washed by hand. Zak didn’t mind. Now that the sink was pretty much empty, he actually had room to properly get them clean. 

Lithe arms wrapped around his middle while he worked, a soft press of a body nudging between Zak’s shoulder blades. He looked down, the familiar copper hands partially covered by sweatshirt sleeves clasping together just under his pecs. 

“You’re trapped.” Noah’s voice was still hoarse, but was playful in tone as they pressed themselves closer, “I gotchu now.” Zak set the clean dishes on the rack, drying his hands before placing them over Noah’s, “Oh no, whatever will I do now that my partner has betrayed me?” He grabbed one of Noah’s wrists, spinning around and scooping his small partner up into a cradle, “I guess I’ll just have to capture him back.” Noah erupted into a flurry of giggles as he squirmed in Zak’s hold, kicking his feet and wrapping his arms around Zak’s neck. He leaned in and captured Noah’s lips in a chaste kiss, the smaller giggling into it. 

“Feeling better kitten?” 

Noah nodded, peppering Zak’s jaw with light kisses of his own. “Mmhmmm.” They let out a contented sigh, “Did you really clean my entire apartment?” 

“I did.” Zak ran a hand through Noah’s wet hair, “Is that okay? I felt horrible leaving that mess with you when I could’ve easily just done it for you.” 

“You’re too good for me Zak…” they sighed. 

Zak didn’t say anything in response, only moving the two of them to the couch, settling Noah in his lap as they sat down. “So…you ready to talk about what’s been going on?” Zak was eager to get to the point, to finally ease his worries about Noah and make sure his kitten was okay. 

Noah sighed heavily, fiddling with his hands in his lap, “I mean…no…but you deserve to know.” They took another deep breath in, “I’ve just been so…sad…about everything. Like I’ve been struggling to find joy in things so I’ve been hiding…” 

“Why hide?” Zak mused, listening intently as his partner spoke, “Lots of people were so concerned when you just up and disappeared.” 

Noah shrunk into his shoulders. Okay, so maybe Zak wasn’t the best at comforting depressed people, but at least he was trying to understand where Noah was coming from. 

“I know I just…didn’t want anyone to worry about me.” As the words left Noah’s mouth, he sighed again, picking at his claws, “which now that I say it out loud is very stupid of me to think…” 

“Brains are dumb sometimes. I know that.” Zak chuckled, “But why lie to me about how you’ve been feeling?” 

“You have enough problems of your own to deal with, the last thing I wanted was to throw my fucked up head on top of that.” Noah was becoming agitated, his shoulders tensing, “and I guess I just thought…you’d eventually come to me if you really wanted me…” 

That stung. It stung a lot. Zak rested his chin on Noah’s head, chewing the inside of his cheek as he thought. Had he really been that distant with Noah? That they felt like they’d been the one doing all the chasing and pursuing in this relationship? They did a good majority of it sure, but Zak liked to think he at least made a solid effort to reach out and arrange dates. Clearly, he was wrong. 

“Is that why you stopped inviting me over? Stopped texting me first?” Zak mostly wanted the confirmation, but he could tell he wasn’t helping Noah stay calm, 

“I’m not trying to blame you, just trying to figure out where I went wrong so I can fix it.” 

They nodded solemnly, “My brain was telling me that you didn’t really care about me and that…that you didn’t make any efforts because of that…I know it’s wrong and dumb but that’s just how I feel.” He pulled his knees up to his chest, hugging them while curled up in Zak’s lap, “And when you consistently stopped proposing hang outs and dates, I just plummeted…like still talking and stuff was fine and easy but it all felt hollow…” 

Zak bit his lip, “Would you feel better if I proposed more of our dates? If I just came around more often without being asked?” 

“Well…” Noah craned his neck up to meet Zak’s face, “Actually…I had something else in mind. And now with everything that’s happened today…I think more than ever…I need you. I never thought I’d need someone like this, but I can’t not have you in my life and I just wanna stay cuddled up like this forever…” Noah rested back against Zak’s shoulder, “So…” 

“So?” Zak held his breath. He had a general idea of what Noah could be proposing, but wasn’t completely sure. 

“What if you moved in? With me?” Noah eyes glittered at the question, hope filling his whole expression, “I just…I’m tired of you living so far away from me and I really want you around all the time and I just love you so much and-“ 

Zak interrupted the rambling with a kiss, gripping the back of Noah’s head to keep them still. He felt their muscles relax under his grip, their hands snaking back up to Zak’s face. He pulled away, breaking the kiss and resting his forehead on Noah’s, “Kitten, I would love to move in with you.” 

Noah’s eyes lost the sparkle for a moment, “That sounds like its gonna be followed up by a ‘but.’” 

_“But,”_ Zak chuckled, “It’s dangerous, for me and for you.” He massaged his fingers into the crest of Noah’s skull, “I love you so much and I do really wanna do this, but this is enemy territory for me. I can’t just up and move across town without raising suspicion from either side. It’s just…it’s too risky…and the last thing I want is for you to get hurt because of me.” 

He looked back down to Noah’s face, their eyes glassy and dull again as they processed Zak’s words. His bottom lip quivered, clearly fighting back more tears at the rejection. Zak sighed, tears of his own forming in his eyes. 

“What if…” There was that shaky, squeaky voice again, “What if…we asked Papa, about you moving in?” Zak’s eyes widened, “Maybe he could grant you some kind of…protection or something. That way you don’t have to change allegiance and can still move in here!” 

“Noah…” He didn’t have the heart to tell Noah how truly terrible he found that idea. Just waltzing up to the enemy don, their son tucked under his arm and proclaiming 

_I love this person and want to move in and start a life with them. Oh, I’m also an Azure Skull, one of your sworn enemies, so I would like some protection from being slaughtered please._

Yeah. That wasn’t going to end well for anyone. He caught Noah’s mouth moving out of the corner of his eye, they were probably elaborating on their proposition, but once Zak started picturing his own interpretation of how a conversation with Noah’s father would go, he tuned everything else out. Oops. He just nodded as Noah talked until they paused, having seemingly asked Zak a question. Their brow furrowed. 

“You weren’t listening were you?” 

Busted. Zak shook his head, apologetic grin painted on his features, “Sorry baby, I just got distracted.” 

Noah shook his head, head butting Zak lightly and letting out a soft laugh, “I said, I know it’s crazy…but I don’t see another way. Papa isn’t this monster you make him out to be, he wants me to be happy too…I know he’s gonna love you if you just give him a chance.” 

Zak swallowed, “I guess so…but what if…what if you’re wrong? And he just…” the thought got trapped in his throat as he met Noah’s eyes again. He didn’t want to picture himself being gunned down in front of his partner, but the sad reality was it was a possibility if things went south. 

Noah cupped Zak’s cheek again, “Well, we won’t know until we try right?” 

“I guess…” 

With another gentle smile, Noah placed a kiss on Zak’s cheek, nuzzling against him reassuringly, “Don’t worry Zakie, everything’s gonna be fine.” 

“I thought I was here to comfort you, how’d you manage to flip that around?” Zak teased, sliding Noah off his lap to check on dinner. 

“I work in mysterious ways bunny.” Their head rested on the back of the couch, eyeing Zak. 

He huffed out a laugh, “I still don’t get where you got that nickname from.” 

“You’re like a little bunny rabbit sometimes,” Noah stretched out as he spoke, still hanging off the couch, “All shy and timid and ready to bolt at any moment, but also loving and sweet.” 

“Oh good,” Zak narrowed his eyes with a sly glint to his words, “I thought it was for the other reasons rabbits are known for.” 

“Fuck, Zak,” Noah roared in laughter, “You’ve got a filthier mind than I do!” 

“Yeah well,” he plopped back on the couch, handing a bowl of finished soup to his partner, “You love me.” 

“I do.” They snuggled back against him, “And, thank you, by the way. For everything.” 

Zak hummed, kissing the top of Noah’s head, “What else are boyfriends for?”


End file.
